FAKE FOR YOU.
Hey everyone! I hope this letter finds you well.
I wanted to write today on having to hide your feelings in order to keep the status quo within society. We live in a time where we are expected to quite frankly , put our heads down and shut up. I am a people watcher and it saddens me to see so many people in a state of indifference. We walk through hallways sometimes struggling to make eye contact and when we do its such a shock that we either quickly drop our heads in avoidance or pull out the trusty iPhone to seemingly give us a look of importance as if to say” Hey, I’m sorry I can’t say hello, because I just received a very important message that requires every single amount of my attention”. It’s the pacifier that protects us from crossing certain social boundaries…Why are there so many weird boundaries or social pressures that we feel the need to abide by even though, if we think about it, we know down deep it probably will hurt us or someone else?
PHONY SMILES AND FAKE HELLO’S
‘Hey, How are you doing today?’…Why in the hell do we ask that question in the day to day rat race of life? Do we really want to hear how “bob” from the office truly feels? and if so, do we expect him to say how he truly feels, deep down? “ Hey,(“Bob" speaking) other than the fact that I’m deeply depressed,I’m completely alone, etc. I’m doing just fine.” Which, if that was the case then we would probably get weirded out and exile him from the”cool kids” table. I don’t mean to paint with a broad brush, but you and I both know that most of the time throughout the week we say these things expecting the quick stock answer of “pretty good”(usually said even if it’s not good) or “can’t complain” etc. Did we ever think like, what the fuck is the point of even acknowledging this person at all? If we don’t necessarily expect the truth from them or probably don’t have the time to truly care about and talk with people about their problems; we might as well not acknowledge them.
Now I know I have been exceptionally brash throughout this post and I know that 99% of the people that we run into aren’t some cold, hard ,callused automaton. They’re just busy, tired, etc. , but like domino’s those circumstances or feelings cause a chain reaction down the line via the people we meet which could effect someone else’s day in a big way.
LET ME EXPLAIN
When I was severely depressed living was torture. I had nothing or no-one , I was worthless in my eyes, and the way society works it was almost proof in my eyes at the time that no-one cared. There was a time where I was at home, and I was extremely down. Now, let me clarify something before carrying on. When someone is suicidal, at least it was in my case anyway , a constant battle of polar opposites, Life and death. You want both. You want to live, but the pain inside is so great that dying feels like the best way out. That being said, I was in a very bad place and I was wrestling with attempting to take my own life. However, I was able to get outside of my head and decided to just go do something, anything to just focus on something else. So, I went to the grocery store and this lady decides to make a fricking comment about my height , of course I put the fake face on and laughed. Anyway she probably didn’t mean anything by it , but nonetheless I left the house after thinking about hurting myself and this lady opens her mouth without any forethought to what the outcome of her words may produce. So, here I go back home with this “letter of validation” saying your a piece of shit and heres proof. Might as well kill yourself. just because someone was to lazy to check herself.
We get busy, but no matter how many excuses we wanna make about how hectic our lives are theres no excuse for not being completely aware of your actions and words and Just because someone is smiling doesn’t mean that their ok. Listen, I know I rant a lot, but if you take anything away from what I’m saying it’s that you have the power to save someones life or end it, just by your words. We all are putting on an act of some kind for some reason at some time. Many times to cover insecurities. It’s not right. We shouldn’t have to lug around false armor in order to protect ourselves from poison tipped arrows that others decide to throw at us. I know from experience, That armor gets to heavy to carry after while until it breaks you down. I’m done carrying it. I’m done being fake for you. I hope you are as well.
You mean everything to me don’t forget that.
I hope that you’ve gained something from this batch of word salad. lol
Thanks , Dan